I forget the pain and the hurt and I feel the happiness run through my veins. I push anger and hate aside, so I can love someone new. I run my hands through the sand and drink cocktails in the sun. I love everyday and I’m me again. You were a lesson and and you taught me self worth. You made me see I’m better than you thought I was. You made me hate myself. You loved by taking away everything I loved about myself. You were broken, and then you broke me. Thanks for the memories but no thanks. You will always be just a shower of doubt and mistreatment. You are not worth my tears and I am priceless. I miss the person I thought you was but you’re not them anymore and I’m done. My life is now full of real life and love. I’m no longer broken, I’ve picked up then pieces and I’ve made a mosaic of the life I want to live. My life will no longer be dependent on your emotions. I’m doing this for me. I am strong and I will be everything, everything and more.

Men ain’t s**t

So this is different from the usual posts. I just feel like I need to address this. How many beautiful women have been hurt, humiliated, lied to, lied about, sexualised?

The world works in a mans favour. There are still men being paid more than women, for the exact same job. There are women that are literally told they have to act/ dress a certain way or they face fatal consequences.

Just a heads up boys we literally birthed you. We carried you in our tummy’s for 9 months, nurturing you, the food we ate grew your body, your mind, your heart. We are the reason you exist. So why do you feel the need to make us feel like we are a second thought, like you have some power over us. We are strong, beautiful, courageous, outstanding women. We are making a stand.

I quit being told I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy of your love, because I wear too much make up, I didn’t shave my legs for a week, I didn’t cook your veg the right way. Do it your self. Get up and make your own sandwich. I’m not your mama. And mamas are not your slaves. Ask your daddy.

Men need to start treating women like they are worthy of love, they are worthy of greatness and that they equally can be as strong. Don’t get me wrong here lads, your not all bad I get that, but stop believing you need to be a certain way in order for people to respect you. Believe me, you treat a woman with respect and that woman will give you everything.

Dear me

Dear me,

You are strong, look how many battles you have faced already. The times you were at rock bottom and you thought it couldn’t get any worse and it did. You made it through that. The times when you wished that life would be over and that the pain and hurt would just go away. The times when you cried yourself to sleep and the days when time ticked by like each second was a hour. You conquered it. You won. Not the darkness. Look at how bright your future is, but don’t focus on the future, don’t wish your life away. Don’t wish at all. Let it happen. Live in the present. You are worthy of everything you desire and you are blessed. Each person in your life is a blessing. Those friends that wiped your tears, and the family that hugged you as you sobbed. They are the true guardian angels in your life.

Dear me I love you

A N X I E T Y

There has always been something that makes me want to keep hold of you that weird feeling of compassion, hate and love all rubbed together to make the deadliest paste; the type that would makes your eyes weep and give you sleepless nights haunting you until you find that inner strength that brings you out of the  darkness. I often dream of the life that I could live without you, a life without the screams in the night, you give me hope and terror for days you keep me in a beautiful nightmare and offer me the worst kind of special days, as I cry in the tub with the ringing of memories shouting in my ears. I imagine how I could run away and start a fresh without you, without your perfect truths and deadly lies.
I remember our first date we were at my house and you took my hand you grabbed me pulled me close and whispered in my ear that you would stay with me forever and keep me safe. I believed you.

The next time I saw you we were visiting friends when you grabbed me and told me we had to go, you didn’t like the honesty that my friends gave me, you felt uncomfortable and scared and ran away I chased you and then we never saw my friends again. We spent endless days inside only seeing my family. We could enjoy ourselves for a few weeks until one day we couldn’t get out of bed we wept and screamed, we hid and ignored the world it was the most intense beautifully confused feeling. I laid there every day until one day I ran away I left you. I saw a friend they hugged me and took me far away, I ran with them for a long time. I kept my feelings for you hidden nobody knew the want, the need to climb back into the bed back with you. I felt you everywhere I went but I knew I could never go back to you, you were my poison, you were deadly, and this had to be the end. I will never forget you.