To you and you.

As I sat and felt the pounding of my heart and the ringing in my ears. Whilst you sit there chit chatting about all of the improvements that you are making to your wonderful life. I’m quietly losing my mind. My breath is quickening because I’m struggling for oxygen, and my chest is so tight I could swear that you was strapping me into my chair unable to move. Every inch of my body wants to run out the room. Stand outside, look at the sky and scream. I’m stuck behind a sheet of the thinnest, most delicate glass and I’m afraid to move in case it all shatters around me. You can see my laughing, smirking at all of your comments. You can’t tell that I’m losing my mind can you? I’ve got pretty good at hiding the pain and discomfort. ‘Just shut up’ my brain screams. ‘You need to concentrate’ I whisper to myself’ it’s a constant battle between me and my mind. I am at war with myself. What keeps me sane? What keeps me from losing my mind? Them. The ones that share a smile with me and hold my hand, the ones that hug me and supply me with comfort, the ones that chose to stay and love me. The words that make me laugh till I pee and the hugs that share my pain. The inside jokes and the kindness. The friends that I will always cherish. The chances that I don’t deserve and the forgiveness. The people that heard depression and offered support, the ones that never worried just cherished a broken person. I will be forever grateful to you. Happiness, health and wellbeing is what I pray for in 2019. To new beginnings and living life, for my friends, family and myself that is all I wish. I’m just broken but that’s okay, because through the cracks is where you see the light, tears wash the sadness away, they don’t harness it.

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