What is for the best

What is for the best is a question I ask myself everyday. What is the best question for me to ask? What is the best answer I can give? How is that action going to affect my future self? How can I ensure that everything is perfect all of the time? Well the truth is it can’t be. If you never make a mistake you will never learn. You will never become a better version of yourself.

We have to make mistakes to shape who we are and how we cope with new situations that arise. Not everyday can be a bright one. Not every feeling can be a good one. We have to feel sad, angry, guilty and frustrated in order to appreciate the feelings of happiness and contentment.

Going through depression is so hard and everyday is a battle, but not everyday is bad. Not everyday do I wake up feeling like a zombie, walking around numb. Some days I feel elated and confident. If I didn’t have them days of feeling like I just want to run away and hide then I wouldn’t understand and value the days of joy with my friends and family. The good days.

So don’t be so hard on yourself, live in the present and understand you are only human. You are you and sometimes you are sad and that’s okay. Love everyday because everyday is a lesson, it is all part of your story. So smile through the tears and dance in the rain. Life is not always simple.

Have a good week ❤️

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Who am I?

I’m having an identity crisis. Who am I? What do I want? Where is my life heading? I was in relationship after relationship and now I am on my own again and I don’t know who I am.

I know I am loving, caring and kind. I know I love to make people laugh and I have compassion and courage. However when I look in the mirror I’m confused. Who is this person staring back at me.

I feel like my confidence and happiness is at an all time high but is that because I am trying to mask the person I see or am I actually becoming me.

My whole life has been dominated by anxiety and depression. It has always been a major factor in my life. Only recently I realised the person I had been for all of those years was completely broken and the thoughts that controlled me were not always the truth.

Now looking at myself I see a person that I hope to become, but I still have a long way to go. One day I will be strong again and I pray that I recognise myself again.

I am so grateful to everyone that supports me in my life and is helping me to become unapologetically me again. Xxxxx

Trying to cope with negative thoughts.

This subject is one that is really hard for me to talk about because recently I was in the darkest place that I have ever been. I had hit rock bottom and I couldn’t see a way out. I thought daily about ways that I could just end the pain that I felt so deeply inside myself. Each day I would drive to work and wonder what would happen if I just drove straight into a tree would anybody care? Would anybody understand why? Does anybody recognise that I am broken?

I felt as though I was alone and I had no one to speak to. I felt as though no one would understand why I was hurting and that they would think I was a joke. I was terrified and I had held it together for as long as I could but the cracks were starting to show. Until one day I broke completely I sat there at work crying, uncontrollable tears running down my face. I couldn’t stop as hard as I tried, my body needed to cry and break down, it was like my body was forcing me to cry for help.

I ended up being signed off for 2 weeks and being put on antidepressants and anxiety medication which has been the best decision I could have ever made. I feel like I’m getting back to my old self and I feel happier again. My family and friends supported me so much and everyone said that they were concerned about me. When I look back now I realise that my friends and family were asking ‘how are you?’ ‘Everything alright?’ daily and I would put on a false smile and lie straight through my teeth. I also learnt that not everyone will understand and that’s okay.

I recently went away with my friends for the weekend after a bad breakup I decided that I needed a break. We spent the weekend in Centre Parcs and just being away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life made everything feel better. A weekend of laughs and good company can help to cleanse anyone’s soul. I also made best friends with my friends 2 year old and I tell you what kids make you feel like you are the coolest person in the world.

I used to believe that I didn’t have a guardian angel, that no one was watching over me and guiding me in the right direction and that I was a lost cause wondering the earth without a purpose. But now I realise that your guardian angels can be in the form of anyone or anything. They could be your best friend, or your dog they’re is always someone that is watching over you and they are your guide. Mine I honestly believe is my best friend, she never fails to guide me and help me back to my feet every time I fall. I will be forever grateful to her.

Dealing with anxiety and depression is a constant battle but there are ways to deal and cope with it. It is not a bad thing to be broken or hurt, it’s a bad thing if you let it carry on and consume you. If you feel that it is ever getting to much you can always call a helpline I have listed some below or alternatively visit a doctor, or just speak to a friend:

Samaritans – for everyone 
Call 116 123 
Email jo@samaritans.org

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men 
Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day 
Visit the webchat page

Papyrus – for people under 35 
Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm 
Text 07786 209697 
Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

Childline – for children and young people under 19 
Call 0800 1111 – the number won’t show up on your phone bill

The Silver Line – for older people 
Call 0800 4 70 80 90

To the man that broke me

To the man that broke me thank you.

Thank you for showing how to love and be kinder to myself.

Thank you for not taking up all my free time so I can spend it with my amazing family and best friends.

Thank you for ruining days so I can appreciate the best days now.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to find someone who will love me 100 times better than you ever could.

Thank you for not recognising the person that I am, because if you did I would think I was wrong about myself.

Thank you for your cruel words they’ve made me stronger and built me an amour.

Thank you for never understanding my hurt and pain, never comforting me. Because comforting myself has giving me understanding of who I am.

Thank you for leaving me, it was the greatest gift you could have ever given me.

Thank you from the girl that can do better.